Ascension non-Comprehension

Today I realized I am totally disoriented regarding LIFE. I don't get what we're doing here.

It started with thinking about Hebrews. I tried putting myself in the readers' perspective. And I realized I don't really get the importance of the Ascension. Where did Jesus go and why?

I don't understand the state of the world. I have a vauge but pressing feeling that I am supposed to be doing Something or being Somebody, but I don't know what it is.

I have an urgent feeling that I'm supposed to be telling people about how Christ is Very Important to getting IT, but I get confused about what IT is sometimes. A lot of the time. Or I don't get Christ enough. Is enough ever enough of God?

I get confused about the one and the many sometimes, too, but that's something different altogether. Or maybe not.

I've concluded that maybe I would understand the rest if I could understand Dying To Self. But where does one start with that?

I have a friend. And today it struck me that the unexplainable feeling I have around her is that of being in the presence of the dead. She is dead, but she is still achieving, still pursuing.

"You have died, and you life is hidden with Christ in God." Where exactly am I? And how does this influence the next decision I make?

I am a Son of God. I must be about my Father's business. Something about loving....??

I don't get life sometimes. But I don't think you can get it by choosing to get it, can you? Can you even choose to die?

"The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me, a sacrifice and sweet smelling aroma."

Death is sweet smelling. That's so weird. I don't get it.

I don't get choice. Everything and nothing depends on it.